Tobi Time!
by Gundam-Issac
Summary: After Deidara leaves him, Tobi must go on a mission by himself, aided only by his talking tools of travel. Not a one-shot, crack.
1. Chapter 1

Howdy peoples, it has been a while since I wrote, hasn't it? Anyway, if you didn't hear about my other story, _Dissociative Identity Disorder, _is on permanent hiatus. I will salvage several of the ideas from it for another piece, but not this one, sorry.

Note: This contains crack, singing, and several references to children's TV shows. You were warned.

I own jack shit. Literally, I have a contract signed in his blood that confirms it.

Break

Deidara progressed through the hallways of the Akatsuki headcounters, his cloak pillowing behind him, mission scroll in hand. It is important to differentiate him progressing with him walking. The first is him moving with a sense of power, giving off an aura of superiority. The second is him just going around like some everyday shmuck. Usually, one can't progress everywhere, as it makes you look really stupid after a while. In this circumstance, that of carrying a mission scroll, it was allowed, for your actions could be explained by the gravity of the situation. Arriving at his destination, Deidara tried to preemptively calm himself down, taking several deep breathes. Hoping it would be enough, he opened the door. He was greeted by the sound of high pitched voices from a TV and one actual greeting from a real person.

"Hiya Senpai! Wanna watch _Lucky Star_ with me? It's the last episode! I'm so excited!" Deidara ignored his partner, Tobi, who was almost literally jumping up and down in his seat out of joy. Instead of joining him, however, Deidara walked up and got between Tobi and the TV.

"Tobi, stop watching this crap, we have a mission. Yeah." It is generally considered impossible to give someone the puppy-dog eyes while you have a mask on, but Tobi managed it. In response, Deidara threw the mission scroll at him. It bounced off of his mask and onto the floor.

"Come on Deidara! It's the last episode! They do the cool dance! Have a heart! Or, if you don't have one, take one from Kakuzu, he has to have some spares." With that, Tobi picked up Deidara, and placed him upside-down behind his chair. "Anyway, if you want me to come out to any mission, you know what you have to do."

Deidara did know what he would have to do, but he would be damned to hell if he didn't try not to have to do it. "I don't know what you are talking about. Yeah."

"You said that last time Senpai." Tobi said, still sitting in his comfy chair.

"If you don't come out this instance I'll blow you up! Yeah!" Deidara took out a clay bird and hung it over of one of his hand-mouths. Tobi waved a hand at him.

"You tried that the time before, remember?" Deidara did remember. He had blown up the whole damn room and at the end there was Tobi, in his chair, watching TV, while all around his the remains of the room fluttered to the ground.

"…Fine. I'll do it. Yeah." Tobi didn't do anything, so Deidara sighed and did what he knew he needed to do. Gathering all of the fake enthusiasm he could muster, Deidara shouted out, "Guess what? It's mission time!" He quickly tried to make a break for the door, but just like all the other times, it slammed shut. Deidara looked back towards Tobi just in time to see him vibrate, before he jumped backwards off of his chair and start to sing and dance.

"It is Mission time!

Yes! Come on GO!

TTOOBBII!

(When we work together it's much better)

My senpai!

(We capture bijus for the leader)

(Pein is cool)

If he gives us orders we will follow

(Tobi Time!)

Akatsuki's big adventures

We've got a mission

Time to leave our cool clubhouse!

We must hide our presence,

Just be quiet as a mouse!

Watch out for those ninjas,

Avoiding battle is the best I think,

But If we work against them

We can make her plans sink!

Wwwoooooooo

(Tobi Time!)

Zetsu, Itachi, Kisame, Deidara

(My best friends)

Pein, Konan, Hiden, Kakuzu

(My teammates!)

Silly, cool, awesome, fun!

(Tobi Time!)

Sweet Ninjas with adventures

"xcuse me while I dance, gotta shake my thing!

Heeeeeeeee!"

(Tobi Time!)

Tobi is here to help you

(Tobi Time!)

Akatsuki is for you

Tobi Time!!1

Deidara stopped covering his ears, a semi-erotic if slightly painful habit since his hand-mouths nibbled on his ears. Either way, it was worth it to avoid his song. "Ok, you got to sing your song, now let's go! Yeah!" Tobi once again, even through his mask, gave the impression of an expression (try saying that 5 times fast), this time smiling.

"No." With that, he flipped back over his chair and continued watching the TV. To say the least, Deidara was displeased. In fact, he was so displeased he took a page from Hiden's book.

"What the ing he Tobi! I sang the ng song, I let you do the ed up dance, why the crap aren't you coming!" Deidara was so pissed he forgot the "yeah."

"Cause it is the last episode! You never deny the last episode! It is a matter of honor." Tobi wiggled deeper into his chair, getting into a more comfortable position.

Deidara saw red. "_I'm going to kill this little bi! I am going to shove my clay into his mn mouth and watch him explode! I'm gonna…sigh, settle down Deidara. Settle down. Yeah." _Deidara took several deep breaths, counting to ten in his head before answering.

"Well you know what you little piece of crap! If you wanna wait, you better do the mission alone! Then, when you fail, the leader will boot you out so fast you will break the sound barrier! Yeah!" With that Deidara opened and slammed the door shut, causing several cracks in it. Tobi, paying no heed, continued to watch his show.

Break

Apparently Deidara needed something like one-hundred deep breaths.

"He is just so damn annoying! I mean, Sasori and me were art buddies, and while we differed on taste, we both agreed on a few aspects. But this guy, this, this, _KID,_ thinks that some stupid lolicon anime is art!2 I just wanna, wanna, grrrrrr! Yeah…" Kisame patted Deidara on the back as he took a deep pull at his bottle of beer.

Kisame felt for him, he really did. The two of them had become fast friends over their bitching at the leader about their partners. When the leader was gone, as he was now, the two would look out for each other in coping with these problems.

"There, there Deidara, I am sure you can kill him and make it look like an accident sometime, just wait." Deidara sniffed, and was about to answer when Itachi butted in.

"What is a lolicon?"

The two other ninjas stopped mid movement, both staring at each other. The Akatsuki tried to keep it as a well hidden fact, but no matter how you look at it, Itachi was an idiot. Not in killing, of course, but in about everything else. The reasoning the leader gave for this was that because Itachi had been a high-ranked ninja since he was practically in diapers, he had little or no grasp of concepts that didn't connect with shinobi life. Because of this problem, he often asked awkward questions to the other members, their leader, and occasionally to an enemy in the middle of combat. He still had no idea why they suddenly stopped moving when he asked, giving him an opening to kill them. Kisame, after trying to come up with a way to answer this question without going into, well, _certain topics_, finally spoke.

"Um…a lolicon is a person who enjoys singing, you know, like "Tra-la-la?" Kisame and Deidara both crossed their fingers, hoping he would buy it. Itachi seemed to think for a bit, and then nodded.

"I guess it makes sense. I wonder why people call Orochimaru one then. Have you guys ever heard him sing?" The two quickly shook their heads, and Itachi went back to his bowl of Oreos.

"Anyway, Kisame, I've tried killing him, but it never works! Every time I try and blow him up, or stab him, he just walks through it like I was squirting water at him!" Deidara paused as he felt an intense spike of killing intent from besides him. "Not that water isn't an effective weapon of course, I'd never suggest that!" The killing intent went away, and Deidara gave a sigh of relief.

"Well, if I was you, I'd just cool down a bit before going back to him. You know, make a clay city, blow it up, deep breaths, all that jazz."

"I think I'm gonna do just that Kisame. Thanks a bunch." Deidara got up and left the room, leaving the two alone. Kisame started to lean back in his chair, and was about to grab the newspaper when Itachi asked him another question.

"Hey Kisame, what does it mean when you start growing hair in odd places?"

Kisame paused, grabbed Deidara's half empty bottle of beer, then shot-gunned the rest of it before answering.

Break

It was at about that time that Tobi finished watching his anime, and got up, doing several over exaggerated stretches. Suddenly, several thoughts clicked in his head.

_"No"_

_"you better do the mission alone!"_

_"So fast you will break the sound barrier!"_

_"Yeah!" _

"Oh no!" Tobi slid back onto his chair. "My love of the silly antics of Konata and the others has gotten me booted out of the club! What will I do now!" So Tobi thought, and thought, and ate some chips, and thought some more. Then, an idea hit him.

"I know! If I do the mission, and I don't screw up, then Senpai will love me again!" Tobi jumped up and down several times, and then slumped back down. "Ah tootsie, he never told me what the mission was! Wait… Now that I think about it…"

_"In response, Deidara threw the mission scroll at him."_

"He did! Woot!" Tobi grabbed the scroll and gave it a once over, before putting it in his pocket and starting to look for what he would need.

First, he moved over to his desk, and opened it up, revealing an impressive collection of sharpie markers. Besides those sharpies, however, were two very good kunais. He pulled them out, and spun them around a few times. "_Kunais, check."_

Next, Tobi went to his dresser, and pulled out a spare pair of boxers with spirals on them. "_Clothes, check!"_

Tobi's third stop was the toilet, I don't think you want me to continue any more than I have.

His fourth stop was his closet, where he opened the door and put his hand forward, crying out. "Backpack, backpack! Backpack, backpack!"3 Suddenly, a red backpack with a face on it appeared.

"Hi Tobi, what's up today?"

"Important things Backpack! We have to capture a Biju by ourselves! It's the seven tailed Dragon." The backpack nodded, and Tobi put it on his back. _"Backpack, check!" _

"_Only one more thing…_Backpack, bring out Map!" Backpack looked hesitant, but then did so. Out of one of his pockets, a rolled up piece of paper flew out. It unrolled itself in front of Tobi, and then spoke.

"What do you want you masked freak? I was having a nice dream about two little Spanish speaking kids." Tobi's form crumpled, going down to half of its normal height.

"Why do you never do the other thing? You know, with the song, and the moving around, and the happy? Why don't you?"4 Map gave him an annoyed look, yes, it is possible for a map to be annoyed, and he answered.

"You stopped being a cute little kid, so what the hell did you call me for?" Tobi immediately brightened up.

"Well, I was hoping you'd help us find the seven tailed Dragon!" Map looked at him. Tobi looked at Map. They looked at each other. Then, the map answered

"Hell yah! Of course I'll tell you how to get there!"

"_Wait, wha?"_ Toba was confused, even more so than normal.

"You mean you'll help me! That is so great! What changed your mind?"

The map smiled in an evil way, and answered. "The probability of death for this path mostly. Anyways, here you go." The map turned around, and suddenly, a map depicting Akatsuki's base and several other places appeared.

"First, you start out here, at the base." The base glowed yellow. "Next, you have to cross the Fing Huge Canyon." A large hole in the ground lit up in the same yellow color. "Then, you have to cross the forest of pain…" Before he could continue, Tobi interrupted.

"I didn't know Pein had a forest, you think he would tell us something like that." The map growled and hit him over the head.

"Pain you idiot, not Pein!" Seeing Tobi about to answer, the map cut him off. "Anyway, after all of that, you reach Sky Pillar, which is where the dragon lives. Happy?"

"Yeppo! Come on then, let's go!" Map flew into Backpack. _"Map, check."_

Tobi went to his mirror and posed dramatically. "I shall not return until the seven tailed Dragon is in my grasp! I swear it on my swirly whoosh whoosh mask!"

"Shut up and let's go! Your death is waiting for you." Map growled out of Backpack.

"Your right Map, it would be rude to keep him waiting!" With that, Tobi fled the fortress.

Break

Next Chapter:

"Itachi, I'm pregnant, and your the father!"

"The forest… OF PEIN!"

"Flying Nimbus!"

"I dunno, I never thought about using my hand-mouths for any kinky things like that…"

"Give me the antidote!"

"Naruto, I am your father!"

"I'm a good boy!"

"Sauske, come in and lay down with Oro-kun, I'm lonely."

"Hehehe, dance cow dance!"

Break

Yah, this was fun. If it was good for you too, then remember to keep reading, this will have 2 more chapters.

R&R if you want, if not I really don't mind.

1 This is a parody of the opening theme for Hamtaro. For the original version, check on You-tube.

2 I, as a person that has watched the show a few times, can back this up. The show has very little reason to be watched other than to see teenaged anime school girls. That and a cool theme song, but whatever.

3 Reference to Dora the explorer, where she must call out the same words for her backpack to come out and talk. Same with the next bit.

4 This is a reference to the "map song." It goes, "_I'm the Map, I'm the Map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'M THE MAP! _


	2. Chapter 2

Hiya happy peoples

Hiya happy peoples! Sorry for the wait (I'm sure someone was actually waiting. I hope at least)! Here is chapter 2!

Note: This, happily, has 70 less singing then the last one.

I own jack shit. Literally, I have a contract signed in his blood that confirms it.

Break

The Fing Huge Canyon is known as the worlds biggest canyon, ever. It is bigger than the valley of the end, deeper than the one Naruto was pushed down by Jiraya, and wider than Choji after he ate the second pill. It is said that it would take somebody five minutes to fall to their death here.

Knowing none of these facts, Tobi happily skipped up the road towards it, singing to himself as he went.

"Down at an English fair,  
One evening I was there,  
When I heard a showman shouting  
Underneath the…Oh my gosh, what is happening over there?"

Tobi put his hand over his eyes to get a better look, scanning forward a few hundred feet. At the edge of his vision, he saw a group of people surrounding an old man on the ground. Had he not taken his hand away, he might have noticed they were beating him up.

"I should go say those nice people!" With that, Tobi sped up towards the men. Approaching them, he let out a very enthusiastic, "Hiya!"

The men glared at him, and the one closest stepped towards him. "You should jus' leave now, partna'." The man spoke in a heavy Earth Village accent, but Tobi was used to understanding weird people.

He lived with eight of them.

"Partner?" Tobi tilted his head to the side in confusion. "I'm not your partner, I'm Deidara's partner. Leader says so, and Leader is always right."

"Well leader toll me ta' tell ya' I'm ya' new partna', and I said beat it." The man made a rough gesture towards the canyon with his hand. The rest of the men laughed.

Tobi beamed.

"Okay new partner-man!" With that, Tobi leapt. After a minute, one of his companions started commenting.

"You know what Tobi? I don't think those guys were with leader. He wouldn't associate with people with such weird accents." Backpack said, way too calm for the situation.

"Yah you idiot, THEY WERE LYING! Summon the Lepel now or we WILL die." Map shouted.

"But I didn't bring it with me!" Both Backpack and Map glared at him. After a moment both smacked him over the head.

"What do you MEAN didn't bring it! It is your weapon of choice!" Map yelled, a tiny tint of fear entering his voice.

Scratching the back of his head, Tobi answered. "Well, it got a little hurt when I used it to block off Deidara's explosives, and then I completely broke it when I was trying to open the speghettios container. I had to send it back to get it fixed." Both objects looked at him in shock.

"Well what do we do now Tobi? We are in the middle of the Fing Huge Canyon, and you can't just stop us like you normally could!"

"Well Map, in TV when faced with an impossible situation, they usually have flashbacks, so I'm going to try that…" With those words, Tobi tilted his head upward and remembered.

Map and Backpack glanced at eachother.

"What is he doing?" Map asked.

"I don't have a clue."

Break

He was in a hospital operating room. A group of doctors surrounded a woman, his mother, as she gave birth.

"One more push Ma'am, and the baby will be out." One of them said.

The women in question, a beautiful brunette, let out a screech, before gasping for breath. The doctor reached in a grabbed the buddle of flesh.

"Well Ma'am, it is a beautiful baby…what the…" The doctor raised the child. "Why the hell does it have a mask on?"

Break

Tobi was no longer a baby, he was now a child, seven years old. He stood in front of twenty other kids his age, shacking. Before him lay a rope connected to the ceiling.

"Well Tobi, are ya' gonna' do it or not?" Tobi gave a death glare to his gym teacher, and then hoisted himself up. Struggling, he managed to get five feet before he fell. The kids all laughed at him, and his teacher shouted.

"Pathetic! You'll never grow up to be a big strong man! NEVER!"

Break

He was standing in front of a large ship turbine, in front of him was a captured enemy.

"This is the money your boss gave us, I'm going to give it back to you, and you can give it to him, and then we'll be even." The man stood up.

"Keep the money, use it to buy a coffin. Because I'm going to hunt you down, and the last thing you're going to see will be my blade!"

He slouched. "Damn." He kicked the man into the turbine, where he died a horrible, painful death.

Break

Now Tobi was seventeen, and he was walking down the hallway at school. He stopped as he saw the love of his life, Kamina Megumi. She was a goddess, practically a work of art in motion. Long, slender legs, ample breasts, beautiful hands, and long, flowing blond hair.

Tobi would kill for her. Tobi would die for her. Tobi would (and had) buy drugs for her. He walked up to her.

"Hey Megumi, I was wondering…" He was cut off as a bigger boy slammed him into a locker.

"Hey To-but, what ya' doing?" Before Tobi could answer, he slammed the door closed. As Tobi struggled to get out, he heard laughing in the distance.

Break

"Come to me, Flying Nimbus!" The old man thrust out his wooden staff, and a yellow cloud shoot down from the sky and in front of him. He faced the young boy next to him. "This is the Flying Nimbus, and I give it to you!"

The boy looked up. "How do I eat it?"

The Hermit twitched slightly. "You don't eat a magical cloud! You ride it boy. It will take you wherever you desire."

The kid's companion looked between the cloud and the hermit. "Hey, why would a turtle hermit have a flying cloud? Where is the logic in that?"

Once again, the hermit twitched. "Deal with it." Seeing the boy confused, he continued. "But unless you're pure of heart, it will never even let you on! This cloud has got standards."

Break

Tobi whipped back to reality.

"What the heck was that? None of those were true, and 1/2 of them were from TV!" He glanced down. The rocks were definitely coming closer. "Oh well, here goes nothing." He thrust out his hand. "Flying Nimbus!" As Backpack and Map screamed, holding onto him for dear life, a yellow cloud descended from the skies and picked Tobi up, merely five feet from the deadly rocks below.

Map looked at him. "…What the hell just happened? How are we riding on a cloud?"

Tobi smiled and patted himself on the head. "Tobi's a good boy!" Getting into a sitting position, Tobi sped the cloud upwards, rising from the canyon and appearing to the people from earlier. "Hiya!"

The group all whipped around towards him, "Holy shit! How the hell did you do that?" The same one that had talked to Tobi earlier yelled.

Tobi glanced at him, once again confused. "I just sat down, it isn't that hard."

One of the others growled in annoyance. "Damnit guys, this little idiot is obviously a ninja, he is probably just standing on something we can't see! Let's get him!

The men rushed forward, running off the cliff unto what they hoped was an invisible walkway.

There wasn't one.

Five minutes later they all died.

Tobi looked out over the edge of his cloud. "Wow! I guess I _was_ supposed to fall down the cliff. If they did it, it must had been safe!" He glanced over to his side and saw his companions glares of pure death. "Or not…" Suddenly, he noticed that the old man the group had been beating was trying to talk to him.

"…and thank you, a thousand times over! You saved my life!" He rummaged through his pockets. "You see, I am an experimental weapon maker for the Village of the Hidden Sand, so they were trying to take my newest invention." He took out a small box and emitted charka into it. With a burst of energy, the box opened up, revealing two purple and white orbs. The man handed one of them to Tobi. "Here, I had two, so you can have this one. This is a new sealing device, which will prove very useful in any capture mission. But be warned, it can only be used once." Tobi thanked him profusely, and then flew off.

"What a swell guy!" He flipped Backpack in front of him and put the orb into one of the side pockets. "Back to business. Which way to Pein's forest again?"

Map jumped out of Backpack, angrily hitting Tobi. "For the last time, IT. Is. Pain. Not Pein. PAIN! PAINPAINPAINPAIN! Get it into your stupid masked head! PAIN!"

Tobi shrugged. "I can't tell the difference silly Map, so why can you?"

Map screamed out load before pointing upwards. "Do you see that, Tobi, you say Pein, and I say Pain! Can't you read? Are you that stupid?"

Tobi blinked. "What words am I reading? Your confusing me Map."

Map himself blinked a few times. "You know what, I don't know anymore. It's not like this is all a story or something."

The two look towards the audience, and then back to each other.

"Anyways, where is it?" Map rolled himself up and then unrolled, this time showing a map-quest style set of directions. "That helps."

They speed towards the forest.

Break

Meanwhile, back at the Atkatsuki Base.

Deidara once again progressed down the hallways of the Atkatsuki headquarters, cloak billowing, bottle of aspirin in hand. As he got to Tobi's room he pocketed the aspirin, knowing he'd need them soon, and knocked on the door.

Silence…

He knocked again.

Silence…

He knoc…

"OPEN THE DAMN DOOR TOBI! Yeah!" With a cry, Deidara kicked down the door and rushed in, only to find the room empty. "What the…yeah…" No matter how much he looked, Tobi was nowhere to be found. Finally, he made his way to the closet. Opening it, he found nothing. "Where could he be, yeah." An idea sprang to mind.

"How did that go again, yeah?" Dredging through his memories, he tried it. "Backpack, backpack! Backpack, backpack, yeah!"

Silence…

"Shit, he's gone…yeah." Rushing out of the room, he got only a few feet before a thought occurred to him.

_ In response, Deidara threw the mission scroll at him. It bounced off of his mask and onto the floor. _

"Oh shit, oh shit. He wouldn't, would he…yeah. He couldn't…nah…yeah." He rushed back into Tobi's room, searching for the scroll, then to the kitchen, where he once again found Kisame and Itachi.

"So you see Itachi, that is where babies come…" Kisame glanced up at him. "What's up Deidara? I though you were going to get Tobi."

Deidara, shaking violently, answered. "He's gone, yeah." Itachi and Kisame both stared at him in shock. "I accidentally gave him the mission scroll, and he took it and ran off, yeah."

"Dude, if he dies because you weren't there, Leader will be _very _pissed." Kisame said.

"And a pissed off Leader means a very dead Deidara." Added Itachi, before taking a bite of his pocky.

"Damnit, well what can I do now? He has a good head start, and I don't even know where the hell we were going, yeah! I didn't read the scroll yet, yeah!"

"Well I guess we just have to wait here until he comes back."

Deidara sighed and fell into a seat. Absentmindedly, he reached for one of Itachi's pocky. Itachi made a hissing noise and swatted his arm away.

Both Deidara and Kisame scooted their seats away from him.

Break

"Tell me again how this happened?" Backpack asked.

"How did what happen Backpack?" Tobi answered.

"Backpack means the current situation dumbass." Map mumbled.

"Oh! You mean the thing about us being trapped in a large net and being dragged towards god knows where by some evil men in the forest of Pein?" Backpack nodded. "Well since Map said we needed to go _through_ the forest, I got off the cloud, and then we fell into the trap."

A light seemed to come on in the back of Backpack's head. "Oh yah, now I remember." The light dimmed. "How did you, a trained ninja in the best evil-organization in the world, fall for this find of trap again?"

Tobi shrugged. "They baited the trap with some shiny metals, how couldn't I have run forward to try and get them?" Suddenly, the group was thrown out of the net.

Skidding to a halt in the middle of a wide circle of cloaked and hooded men, Tobi stood up. "I'm sorry, I think there was some mistake here, you see, we…"

He was cut off my one of the hooded men. "Silence! You are going to receive a great honor! Be quiet and accept it!"

Tobi brightened up. "Really! An honor? What is it?"

"You are to be sacrificed to the god of this forest." The man answered before retreating back into the circle of men.

"That isn't nice…"

The circle of people started swaying, and like an autumn breeze their voices started to rise, slowly gaining speed. As they chanted, the circle that Tobi stood in started to glow.

Suddenly, Tobi had an idea. "Wait a minute, I'm a ninja, what am I doing?" He ran forward and jumped over the circle, running up a large hill.

"You can't do that! That is god's personal dwelling! Get back here!" Drawing sickles, the men chased him up the hill.

Getting to the top, Tobi noticed a small house. "Of course, they'd never think to look for me there!" He jumped through a window, rolling into the dining room. As he stood up and re-coordinated himself, a familiar voice sounded.

"Tobi, what the hell are you doing here?" Looking towards the table in the middle of the room, Tobi saw none other than…

"Leader! What are you doing here?" Tobi ran forward and swept Pein up in a big hug, ignoring the loud crunching noises from his back.

"Tobi…put me down right now."

"Sorry Leader! Never again!" Tobi put him back in his chair, and Pein started to rub his back with healing chakras. "So why _are_ you here, Leader?"

Pein looked up at him. "I live here Tobi. Didn't you read the sign?It clearly says The Forest of Pein. That is my name, and therefore my forest."

Suddenly, Map flew out of Backpack. "What! Are you serious?" Leader nodded, and Map cursed. Handing Tobi a wad of bills, he returned to his resting place.

"…So why are you here Tobi?" Tobi suddenly straitened up.

"I'm here doing my mission, sir! Getting the dragon for you!"

Pein raised a pierced eyebrow. "_Your _mission? Where is Deidara? I assumed he was just going to fly you over the forest to the tower where the dragon is."

"Oh, Deidara didn't want to come, so I left without him." The temperature in the room lowered by nearly 20 degrees. Rubbing his arms, Tobi said, "Brrrrrr, you need a new thermostat."

"So Deidara just left you to do the mission by yourself?" Tobi nodded. After a few seconds of thinking, Pein stood up. "I'm going to pay a visit to the base; I'll see you in a few days." He started moving towards the door but Tobi stopped him.

"Wait, Leader, should I go and get the Dragon or not?" Pein stopped and looked back at him.

"Go off and prove yourself Tobi." Tobi smiled and jumped out the window. Pein could make out the screams of some of his followers followed by Tobi summoning some kind of cloud and leaving. He now made his way out of the house, frowning. "Let's just hope Deidara proves himself worthy to continue to live…"

Break

Next Chapter:

"WWWAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Poke' ball, go!"

" Slide to the left, take it back now ya'll!"

"Itachi, we're putting you on a diet."

"Wait, are you a boy or a girl?"

"AAAAAHHHHH! Don't hurt me!"

"Tobi is a silly boy!"

Break

That was fun, but it took me a while to get back into my grove.

The next chapter will be the last, though I might decide to continue it farther if I have nothing better to do.

If I don't continue this, however, I have a plan of what to work on next.


	3. Chapter 3

It is time, FOR TOBI

And not just any time, it is time, TO FINISH!! This will be the final chapter of Tobi Time, though a sequel may happen.

Without further ado, Wha!

I own jack shit. Literally, I have a contract signed in his blood that confirms it.

Break.

Tobi, once again sitting cross-legged on his cloud, was puzzling over Map. Apparently happy with what he saw, he started his decent, going down into a mountain valley. "We're here guys!" Tobi smirked under his mask as he landed the cloud, and the trio looked upwards.

They were looking for a dragon. Now the problem with dragons was that they could live anywhere, depending on which type they were. The longer snake-like cragons usually lived in rivers, while the more lizardy ones lived in caves or in castles. This one, the master of all of its' kind, lived in a very special place, reserved for it, Sky Tower.

Sky tower lived up to its' name, reaching up into the sky. It was a wonder that you couldn't see it from above with how tall it was, but that it was creatures like dragons specialized in, wonders.

The tower looked ancient, ivy and plant life covering its' sides. Every 10 or so meter there was a line of large, full story windows. A decrepit looking entrance lay a little to the left of the point right in front of them. Tobi gulped.

"Well, I guess here goes nothing…" Tobi walked forwards, and into the tower.

--Break--

Story telling is a very grand and noble art, one that has been going on for a very long time. One possible reason for this is that a good story can tell you many things, from jokes, to lessons, to warnings. One lesson you learned from certain kinds of stories and or sit-coms was that when a door is burst through, or slammed, it is rarely a good thing.

So when the three members of Akatsuki heard the slamming of a door, followed by a loud yell of "Deiiiii-daaaaar-aaaaa! You got some _splanning_ to do!"

Kisame patted him on the shoulder, before taking his leave. Itachi looked at him blankly a bit, and then left, apparently deciding to finish his parfait in a room that was less likely to be destroyed.

Deidara's hand started going for his clay bag. He knew the chances were slim, but if he used a bomb the size of a small city, it would have to take their leader out.

_"What if it is a bunshin?"_ A voice form the back of his head whispered.

"_Then at least I'd go out with a bang…" _ He thought, deciding that no matter what, he'd at least take out the whole base with him. Screw everyone else, his art came first!

Before he could finish his thoughts(or his bomb), Pein burst into the room, the door falling off its' hinges. His moves were nearly invisible, one minute his hands were at his side, and another they were clutching Deidara's cloak. "What. Did. You. Do!" He threw Deidara against the wall, who rebounded with a loud crunch. "You send him off, alone, against one of the most troublesome demons there is! Did you think I was just joking when I put you on a team?" He picked Deidara up again and slammed him into the wall. "Now you are going to go, get some clay, make your damn bird, and go and see if he needs your help. I'm putting my money on him already being done, but you will still go, and you will still help." His glared Deidara in the eyes, spilling killing intent from himself like a baby spilling milk.

_"__**Do**__**I Make Myself Clear**_**?"**

Deidara nodded hurriedly, and Pein let go. "Good." With that, he left the room, cloak fluttering behind him. "And get a new door while your out."

Deidara patted himself off, cringing at the pain in his back. "…That could have gone better…"

--Break--

The inside of the tower was about as nice as the outside, except many more plants. By many more, we mean a lot of them. By a lot of them, we mean a hedge maze.

"Map, why can't you just tell me how to get out of here?" Tobi asked, wandering aimlessly, before he came to an intersection of several paths. He nicked the corner closest to him and went on.

"I told you, something is stopping my map powers from working, so stop bugging me you little bum." Tobi nicked another corner and kept moving. "Why don't you just fly over the hedges?"

"We're inside, silly Map, how would the cloud get in?" Tobi sighed as he noticed that two of the corners at the next intersection had been nicked already.

"Well then I'm out of ideas." Tobi plopped down and crossed his arms. "There has to be some trick to this, I mean, it isn't like the people who made the maze could have memorized the path or something, must be some trick."

"Well if you want my advice Tobi," Backpack called out, "Just burn the thing."

Tobi immediately rose to attention. "Of course! Cause plants are flammable!" His fingers blurred as he went through seals, "_Katon: Goukakyu no Jutsu(_Fire Release, Great Fireball)!" Flames went spewing out of Tobi's mouth…

And right into his mask.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HOT!" Tobi, now with a flaming head, started to run around like a chicken with its' head cut off. "My Head! My Head! MY HEAD IS ON FIRE!" He slammed into a wall, catching it too on fire. Soon, the entire maze(as well as Tobi's torso) were caught up in the blaze. "Map! Backpack! HELP!"

Sadly, both were currently cowering in fear at the flames surrounding them, both being very flammable.

--Break--

Hiden looked over at Kakuzu.

"Why the hell did the story skip to us?"

Kakuzu shrugged, "Probably so he doesn't have to write an escape for Tobi and friends."

"Probably right, lazy bastard." There was a brief silence. "You know, I think if he converted to ja…"

"Finish that sentence and I'll kill you."

--Break—

Tobi, no longer on fire, stumbled through a doorway. "Boy, that was a rush!" Following him was Backpack, who had been thrown off in the confusion and now had to move for himself. "That was a once in a lifetime experience, that it was. Never again shall anyone have a situation such like that one."

"HALT!" Tobi looked up towards the voice. Standing about a hundred feet in front of him was a ghastly apparition, a ethereal robe hovering in midair, two glowing red eyes positioned where its' head should have been. Behind the creature, there was a staircase marked "_This way up."_

"Thou shalt not pass!" The ghost said.

"I find this rule that rule to be rather crass! I shall ignore it as a child does to a teacher he doth sass!" Tobi responded, his voice full of authority.

"You shalt take the test, or I will kick your ass."

"…Well I should…um…Your mother….Dangit! What else rhymes with pass?" Tobi asked.

"Brass, mass, gas, bass, the list goes on." The wraith replied. "Either way, thou shalt lose, unless you take my test."

Tobi raised his hand to his chin in contemplation. "_I could just go through him, but what if he was uber ghost powers? Can I beat that? He's incorporeal, so I'd have a 50 chance…Ah whatever." _

_"_I shall take you test ghosty! What is it?"

"To pass my test, thou must…SHOW ME YOUR MOVES!" The spirit, suddenly sprouting arms and legs, began to break it down.

Old school.

After five minutes of hardcore dancing, the sprit stopped in a classic disco position, arm pointed to the sky and body moving to the beat. "Bring it."

Tobi smirked, nothing could be better. "You were doomed from the start my friend, for you can't challenge me in this," A swirl of signs later, several bunshins poofed into existence. "for I just watched Lucky star!"

And so, he danced. 1

--Break—

"Damn you gundamissac!" Both Kakuzu and Hiden yell at the top of their lungs.

--Break—

Tobi ran up the staircase, humming as he went. After what felt like hours, he finally got to the next level, where a similar spirit floated guarding a similar staircase.

"Halt! Thou shalt not pa…" The ghost started to yell, but Tobi interrupted him.

"Brass, mass, gas, bass, sass, ass, etcetera. Can I pass now? Pretty please?" Tobi clenched his hands together and pouted.

"No, you must first pass, _THE TRIAL!"_

"I passed it already, I out danced the last guy, so can I go?" The ghost shook it's head. "Dang, what do I have to do now?"

"You must…" Dramatic music played, thunder flashed, lightning crashed in the background, "Sing."

"OK!" And Tobi sucked in his breath, " I wanna be, the very…"

"NO!" With a burst of wind, Tobi was hurled through a wall, and out of the building. "NO POKEMON!"

Tobi, now on his cloud, rose up. "What's wrong with Pokémon?"

With that, the ghost started convulsing, gurgling, and all out bat-shitting. After Tobi waited for a minute, he went up the staircase, towards the last chamber of the tower.

The chamber, of the dragon!

--Break—

"Whomever made this place sure loved stairs…" Tobi thought out loud as he climbed. "Seriously, way too many, wait, is that, YES!"

The end was in sight, the stairs ended, and now, Tobi ran out. "Free space woot!" He collapsed on the floor. "My poor legs, tired pumpkins." F

He napped for a few minutes, until backpack(also exhausted), spoke up. "Um, Tobi?"

Tobi rolled over to face Backpack. "Yah?"

"This is a dragon's lair, right?"

"Yah?"

"So where's the dragon?"

Tobi's brow(which you couldn't see anyways) scrunched up in thought. "I have no idea. Suddenly, a earth shattering roar broke out and a creature swept down from the ceiling. Tobi sized it up.

It was a large, segmented green serpentine creature with rudder-like wings. Yellow rings run from his head to his tails, with a yellow line connecting them. Near the back of the beast, the single serpentine body splits, leading to seven unique tails. Towards the top of its' body, there are two arms, each with three-fingered hands. Its' head is mostly flat, save for four blade-like protrusions coming out at right angles to each other. Its' mouth, bristling with sharp teeth, drools a foul liquid, melting everything it fell on.

"…Ok, that is one dang impressive dragon."

"Duly noted Backpack, duly noted." Tobi whispered, before going right back into hyper mode. "OK! Let's take this guy down!" One of the tails whipped out and smashed him into the staircase.

Tobi grunted as he bounced down several flights of stairs, before stopping."…Or not…" Tobi's eyes widened beneath his mask as the telltale roar accompanying a breadth of fire sounded from back up.

"Bad day, bad day, bad day!" Tobi dashed down the stairs as fast as he could, bounding 10 at a time. He didn't want to look behind, looking behind meant not looking at your feet, which might mean tripping, which wouldn't be pleasant.

But even without looking back, he knew the flames were getting closer, he could feel the warmth, hear the crackling, smell the fumes.

They were getting closer.

--Break—

The dragon smiled, flashing its' sharp teeth. "_Little fool didn't have a chance. Too bad his companions were so bad-tasting looking_." He examined the book carrier, closely, his breath almost sending it flying. "_Ah well, better than char-boiled idiot." _As the dragon opened its' maw to swallow the cowering backpack, a kunai whistled through the air and into its' eye.

"RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Roared the dragon as it reached up with its' arms to try and dislodge it. Tobi, cloak covered in burn marks burst from the staircase and hefted Backpack unto his back.

"Don't worry guys, I'll finish him!" Tobi yelled, taking out his other good kunai. He leapt into the air, higher then physically possible, becoming level with the Dragon's head. Charka flared around the knife as he chucked it with all his might into the dragon's other eye. With a wet _plunk_, the knife went straight through the creature, which fell to the ground."

Tobi landed gracefully, smiling. "Believe it ya' stupid dragon!" Tobi suddenly stopped rejoicing as the dragon's large form picked itself up from the floor and loomed over him, the injuries from the two kunai healing as if nothing happened.

"You'll regret that punk…" The Dragon growled, as pure charka started to amass in front of its' mouth.

Tobi took a step back. _"That amount of charka could blow up a city! What can I do?" _He took another step, but tripped over a rock, causing the contents of Backpack to go spilling over the floor. "_THERE!" _Suddenly, Tobi saw his chance. Grabbing something he faced the dragon. "Eat this you overgrown lizard! Pokémon! Pokéball go!" With that, he chucked the ball the weapons maker had given him at the Dragon, where it harmlessly bounced off. 2.

But before the Dragon could laugh and/or incinerate him, the ball opened, and a blinding white light shot out, enveloping him.

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The dragon roared as he was absorbed into the ball.

Wiggle. Wiggle. Wiggle. Ding.

Tobi ran forward and held up the ball. "Woot! I captured a Ninetails! I mean a Seventales!" (Cue pokémon catching music). He turned to Backpack and Map. "Let's go home."

--Break—

Deidara sped through the sky on wings of clay, hoping with all his heart that what he thought he felt he hadn't felt. That huge amount of charka could be felt for miles, waves of evil energy about to consume everything. But then, as suddenly as it came, it disappeared.

All where Tobi was supposed to be fighting the seven-tail.

A shadow fell on Deidara's face as he mentally cursed. "_Shit, if that blast was what I think it was, and Tobi just got killed, Leader will kill me for sure."_ He sighed, closing his eyes. _"…wait."_ His eyes flew open. "How the hell am I in shadows? I'm hundreds of feet in the air! Yeah!" He looked up, straight into a flying cloud.

"Hiya Deidara, where ya' going?"

Deidara almost fainted, "_What the hell!"_

"Tobi, where the…. what the…how…" Deidara was so confused, he couldn't even "yeah"

"Silly Deidara! Tobi's a good boy! Of course he can ride the nimbus!" Tobi tilted his head slightly while lowering the cloud to be level with Deidara. "So why are you going that way? The base is the opposite direction. Wow, without me, you'd be so lost!"

Deidara's eyes narrowed, and he opened his mouth to yell at Tobi, before the part of his mind that had helped him live so long spoke up. "_He took on the weird evil charka from earlier, he can easily take you."_ Deidara closed his mouth and rubbed his teeth together, trying to stay calm.

"You're right, tobi." Tobi perked up. "Let's go home…"

And so, the two switched directions towards home, and all was well.

"Hey Deidara, are you a boy ninja or a girl ninja?"

BOOOOM!

Or not…

--Break--

1: When I was looking around youtube, I came across this video. (Take the spaces out.)

youtube .com/ watch?v zpAj4yJnHNk

It was after I'd posted the first 2 chapters, and after I'd came up with the plan for this one, so it is just weird.

2: If you check the description from the last chapter, it is, more or less, a master ball.

--Break--

Sorry for the wait, I'm sure ya'll (all 1 of you) were annoyed.

Anyways, now to some 1-shots.


End file.
